Zac Bertschy is the reason this blog exists. He's the reason my old blog exists. He's the reason I was able to score a gig writing for My Anime List a few years ago. In case you couldn't tell, my style unabashedly takes notes from him. His written reviews and preview guides were always so fun, personable and engaging to read and I knew that's how I wanted to write too. Zac was a damn good writer, on top of all the other contributions he brought to anime fandom. And now that he's gone I'm fucking numb. I've cried several times over the past few days.
I first came across Zac's work through the ANNCast "Revenge of the 00's" Episodes. I was pretty new to anime at that time and was looking for shows to watch. I was already a fan of Jacob Chapman's, through his prior work at the site that shall not be named and his appearance is what led me to the podcast. Many of my favorite shows of all-time came from my first introduction to Zac, like Wolf's Rain and Revolutionary Girl Utena. Many of my current favorites are also because of Zac, like Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! and Ready or Not. I became a loyal listener of ANNCast from that moment on and always looked forward to Zac's written reviews.
Zac was pretty much the main catalyst for me starting to try my hand at media criticism. However, he also had this amazing ability to seep into your mind. His combination of childlike awe and dry, sardonic humor create this effect to where you subconsciously try to pinpoint what Zac's take on a particular show or movie would be. This is undoubtedly because Zac burned with a passion for the beauty of art more than anyone else I can think of. He breathed his passions and unashamedly professed his love for the stuff that makes life meaningful. Indeed, much of the way I view and critique media is uncontrollably influenced by how Zac saw things. Not only that, but how I view life. Zac told me that it's okay to wear your passions on your sleeve and be unashamed about what you enjoy.
At the same time, he did this with an unflinching dedication to being a morally and socially responsible human being. He may not have seen himself this way, but Zac was an incredibly professional and respectable person who influenced and inspired many. His bravery in allowing ANN to tackle the Vic Mignogna story, calling out bigotry and generally gross shit in both shows and fandom, even when it meant virulent backlash, it all speaks to one of his central characteristics: Zac had a genuine and vocal empathy for others, especially of marginalized communities. Empathy was something Zac never seemed to lack, it was an unmovable part of his DNA.
I briefly met Zac, Jacob and Mike Toole at Otakon 2013, where I asked him a question at the live ANNCast taping and hung around for a bit after to chat. He gave me and all the other folks who asked questions some truly dreadful crap he was trying to offload. I got a couple random gaming magazines from the early 00's. Thanks. The audio was lost from that taping, but the memory still carries with me as one of my favorite moments of my fandom. I saw him and Jacob walking through the halls of the Baltimore Convention Center the next day, but was too shy to re-introduce myself. I also couldn't muster the courage to say hi at Otakon 2017, my first attendance after actually moving to the area. I often partook in the CYS streams as "Moonchild" (after the Iron Maiden song, which I'm sure Zac would also appreciate). I'm kicking myself now for my shyness and social awkwardness and not fully participating in the community or telling him that he influenced me. He'll never know just how much his contributions to this world meant.
It's really fucking tough to hear about the demons Zac was battling. His Black Mass blog was a creation of incredible bravery and I could really relate to a lot of what he wrote about. Once you've had crippling depression, that darkness is always looming below the surface. Every day is a battle to keep it at bay and sometimes it just becomes too powerful. It hurts to know that's what happened. It hurts because I, and many others, know what it feels like to be there and I just wish Zac knew he wasn't alone. But you're brain doesn't think like that when you're in the pits of its darkness. Knowing that he was going through that torment, I truly just hope he was able to find peace. It's not much for solace, but it does bring me joy to think that he's kicking it with Roger Ebert and Jim Henson right now, roasting The Love Guru. Take it easy breezy on the other side.
"In peace now rest
The weight of the world is off your chest"
